The Cost of the Unknown

I am cold, really cold. It is about 60 degrees in my house, and outside the temperature has not been in double digits in DAYS. I am not used to this! I am from Arizona for goodness sake, where anything below 70 degrees is a reason to grab hot chocolate, a good movie, run under the covers, crank up the heater, and pray for warmer weather.

But here I have found out what COLD means. In our first apartment in Colorado the heater did not work properly. Thick layers of ice formed on all of our windows in the house and it only served as a reminder of how insufficient the heating system was. I have no clue what the temperature was as our thermostat graded on a sliding scale. It turned on whenever it felt like it, and that was somewhere between hypothermia and bankruptcy.

Now that we are in a bigger house I am not sure what to keep the temperature at. Every time the heater turns on the following scene from “White Christmas” runs through my head:

Phil Davis: How much?

Bob Wallace: Wow…

Phil Davis: How much is “wow”?

Bob Wallace: It’s right in between, uh, between “ouch” and “boing”.

Phil Davis: WOW!

I am not sure what the cost of this first heating bill will be, and that keeps me from relaxing. I turn every moment into a worry trying to conserve energy. I long to be comfortable in the house, but I am not sure what the cost of that will be.

How many times do we take that approach in life or more importantly, with God? At times I might have a mental idea as to what God would have me do, I desire to please Him, but the unknown cost of that decision keeps me in fear. I have the inability to trust God, for I am fearful of the outcome of my obedience. C.S. Lewis said it this way, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”

The journey we are on requires consistent faith, but faith without worry. That is a skill I have yet to master. It is easy for me to pray and ask God for help, it is difficult for me to give up my worry about the issue. I think that for me personally it feels that to give up my worry is to give up complete control of something that I am responsible for. It feels irresponsible for me to not worry, but at times the situation is something that I cannot change or control at the moment. Then that worry has no outlet and turns into anxiety.

So, where do you go from there? The Scriptures say not to worry, but all you have to do is have faith… right? Easier said than done, I know. If you follow the road of worry there will be a point in which you come to the end of what you know how to do, and that is where faith becomes more important than ever. I am learning that in order to truly trust God you must come to the end of you and realize that before that time all the claims of faith were simply premature. True faith begins when you are at the end of yourself and have no choice but to trust or disobey.

In the story of Abraham and Sarah we see that God had given them a promise of a son, but when they came to the end of themselves instead of waiting and trusting they disobeyed. The result of that disobedience was Ishmael. To the culture that they lived in what they did made perfect sense, they wanted a child so they took the steps necessary to have a child. But God had other plans, namely Isaac.

Now, I am not saying to take the bystander approach to the idea of walking by faith, stating: “If it’s God’s will then it will happen! I am just believing God!” But there is a balance of trust, faith, and obedience.

Trust is the emotional security in a situation that you do not have to worry. This is brought about by the character of a person or a thing. For example I do not check to make sure that a chair that I sit on will hold my weight, I simply sit. If that chair were to break that would be a painful reminder that I should not have trusted it. But I know the character of God is trustworthy. The Scriptures practically scream this truth, God can be trusted.

Faith is taking that security in hand and fully believing that regardless of the appearance of a situation that God is Sovereign. He is in control and we must consistently believe that He is working His perfect plan.

Obedience is acting in a manner constant with what God has revealed by faith and trust. This is the easy part, for if you trust and have faith, this is the next logical step. Let me put it this way, obedience good, disobedience… not so much.

Now, am I splitting hairs to make a point? Maybe, but this is a hard lesson for me to learn. God has called our family to do a certain task. My obedience is only possible with Faith and Trust in HIM. I must take what God has called me to and act responsibly to that calling, by faith and trust.

Long story short, though my house is still bitterly cold (to me at least), in life at I am learning that the cost of the unknown is not my concern, obedience is.